The Hated Love She Has
by fireicegirl16
Summary: "What can I do to make it up to you?" He asked her, staring and she hated how heart ached for him. "Do you really want to know?" She said, walking up to him. "Make me hate you. Make me stop feeling this pain whenever I look at you. Make me wish I never met you. Make me stop loving you because I'm still in love with you. Make this love I have for you stop."


She stands at the cliff's edge, hands curled into tight fists, watching as the waves crash and roar below against the rocks, mimicking her emotions that are inside of her. The full moon looks down at her, bathing her in an eerie glow. She was angry, so, so angry at him, at herself, at everyone and everything. Spirits, why couldn't she move on?

She _wanted_ to move on. She had been doing good until _he_ came along and tipped her world upside down and sideways, causing her to scramble and tilt to get her surroundings and bearings under control. Spirits, she _hated _that her heart raced like a drum, her body hummed like the wings of the buzzard wasp whenever she looked at him, whenever he was near.

Spirits! She was pathetic. She had to get away from everyone, from him because it was her heart that was hanging in the balance, had always been hanging since _him_. She so tired from feeling hurt and betrayed and angry at _him_ when everything had been _his_ fault. She wasn't even sure if she could take any more heartbreak. It hurt to see him and remember what had happened between them, what _he _had let happened, and remembering how badly she wanted it to be more, not caring that he was the banished prince of the Fire Nation, and she, a mere peasant from the northern water tribe.

Her father was right. All the Fire Nation ever did was bring hurt and pain and destruction everywhere they went, everywhere they touched, especially _him._ She didn't care didn't care about _him_ anymore. Not since what had happened at Ba Sing Se where they were stuck together in jail with Katara and she had defended him from Katara's harsh and slicing words that she flung at him like knives that made her own heart contract painfully.

But she was lying to herself. There was still that damn stubborn piece in her heart that still ached for _him,_ that still yearned for his touch, for his voice, for _him_. She was sick of it. She was so sick of it, of everything, of _him._ She had to make her heart cold and hard like ice so she wouldn't be hurt and betrayed by _him_, the one person who had broken her and made her into someone who began to hate the Fire Nation with a passion, with a vengeance, something her father had been and had been drilling into her head since she was a toddler.

She had never wanted to be someone who hated the Fire Nation. She didn't understand how they could cause so much pain and grief and a war that broke the nations apart. She didn't believe that the _entire _Fire Nation could be evil and cruel and heartless like their leader. She wanted to see the good in people because not _everyone_ in the Fire Nation could be so cruel.

But she had been wrong. _He _had proven her wrong, and the realization caused her heart to break and splinter into a million pieces, smashing her optimism and hope and dreams into a pile of ash and it hurt, it hurt so much when he betrayed them, betrayed _her_. When the heartbreak began to grow into something unbearable, her father's words began to haunt her.

_"The Fire Nation are a nation full of evil people."_

_"They bring nothing but pain and violence."_

_"They are no longer human."_

_"They destroy everything they see and touch, just like their fire does."_

_"They break even the simplest thing and turn into dust, into ash."_

_"They have no heart, no conscious."_

_"They are our enemies."_

_"Destroy the fire before it destroys you."_

_"Kill them before they kill you."_

_"They are nothing. They are nothing but a cruel and evil nation wiping out everything in their path."_

_"Hate them, hate them will all your heart and become stronger than they are."_

_"Hate and _destroy _the Fire Nation, one evil person at a time."_

_"Hate, hate, hate them for they took everything from us."_

His words haunted her and she began to understand what her father meant, she began to understand why he had her training so intensely when she was young with her waterbending, never letting Master Paku know what he was doing, learning everything from him and teaching it to her in secret, teaching her things that not even Master Paku knew existed.

She hadn't wanted to hate like her father did, causing him to be so bitter and filled with resentment, never happy, never content. But when he had done what her father had always told her, she began to _hate_, she began to replace the heartbreak into hate, into anger, into _rage_ towards the Fire Nation from where _he_ came.

Katara was right, even she forgave him. Spreading violence and hatred was in his blood, just like his father, just like his people.

But it wasn't enough. Every single time she thought of _him,_ her heart would begin to melt and turn into puddle at the mere thought, the mere touch, the mere whisper of him. She forced her heart, her soul into a place filled wit hate and cold and anger. _He _had done this to her, _he _had made her who she is, _he _had broken her and changed her.

And spirits, her anger was always spiking up like a volcano because her body was so tuned with his that she could sense him behind her and she turned, involuntarily, her anger, her hate raging like that waves below. Her face was set into an angry and disgusted scowl and spirits, why did her heart began to race like drum, the energy between them crackling like the fire he made, the fire he was born from, the fire he used to destroy them.

"This isn't fair. Everyone else seems to trust me now. What is it with you?" He said, his voice sending bolts of lightning in her body that caused her to hate herself even more for her traitorous body. She hated this. She hated him for causing her to feel like this. This was his fault for making her like this. He was from the Fire Nation and they destroyed and messed with everything, including her heart.

"Oh, everybody trusts you now?" She snarled at him, the venom in her voice was enough to cause him to flinch and step backward, the wild and crazed looked in her eyes that was full of hate beaming at him like a bullet. She wanted him to see her like this, to see what he had caused. She both wanted and hated this.

"I was the first _person_ to trust you, remember? Back in Ba Sing Se. And you turned around and betrayed me. Betrayed all of us!" She hissed at him, wanting to reach for him, wanting to water whip him over and over until this heartbreak stopped. Her hands were gesturing loudly as she yelled at him, the waves crashing and slamming against the rocks below, the wind blowing against her that seemed to stoke her anger even more. She hated the pain and betrayal in her heart and knew that he could hear it in her voice, could see it in her eyes.

He closed his eyes, regret evident in his face and all over his body and she had the strongest urge to pound it out of his face. He had no right to feel regret. He had no damn right whatsoever. He was from the Fire Nation and they showed no mercy. He wasn't capable of it. He was the Fire Lord's son.

"What can I do to make it up to you?" He asked, staring at her, _inside_ of her and it made her angry that he could still see who she was inside. He lost the right when he let loose that first ball of fire. He lost that right when he turned his back on her and slammed her heart onto the ground in pieces in the process.

"Do you _really_ want to know?" She said at him sarcastically, walking up to him, the heat between them crackling and fusing together and spirits, her heart was racing, racing so hard it felt like thunder to her ears. He looked at her, genuine regret in his amber eyes and it both warmed her and chilled her.

"Make me _hate_ you. Make me stop feeling this pull towards you. Make me stop feeling this ache and pain in my heart whenever I look at you. Make me stop dreaming about you every night and waking up with this hole in my chest that makes it hard to breath. Make me forget about you. Make me wish I never met you. Make me stop loving you because I still love you even after everything you did, Make me stop being in love with you because I can't take it anymore. I can't take _this _anymore. _MAKE ME STOP LOVING YOU!_" She had yelled the last part at him, breathing hard and fast as the emotions spilled out of her mouth and into the air around them. She was so tired and exhausted.

If she could stop loving him, if she could hate him, if she could_ forget_ him, she could move on, she could be normal, she could be gone. But he still had her heart, even if it was smashed and glued back together with her hate like dark strings dripping with the stench of her hate.

"Make me hate you. That's what you can do." She said, tears falling down her cheeks as she saw the shock and disbelief in his eyes as he stared down at her, speechless. She pushed past him, roughly shoving his shoulder and he let her, his face turned to the side, showing his regret and pain like she had as she went back to her tent, exhausted and spent and so, _so_ tired.

She wanted to hate him and stop loving him.

That's what he had to do.

That's what Zuko had to do.

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